Many of you have crossed the required age to marry, some of you are married are going to be. If you’re not married yet, i’m sure your parents have started making hints about you getting married soon. Sometimes they indirectly says using any relatives name who knows someone who would be perfect match for you, they says innocently– ” you just meet her/him once before saying ‘no””. For many of us, in this generation, an arranged marriage doesn’t hold much attraction. However about 90% of Indians have arranged marriage. While not all of these are successful, some of them certainly are.
A Marriage is not about union of two peoples, but it is about two families, two social networks, religion, caste, Which are now more closely linked than ever before. Both marriages focus on the family union, less or more, although it depends, and you can also relate it to your real life examples. Our family first check that if the potential bride or grooms family is compatible or not. They look for cultural and religious background, socio-economic status, level of education, similar values. After checking all these factors, they feel safe to marry their son or daughter into this family, knowing that they will be taken care of and live a life quite similar to their parents. The most valued things are “Security” and “Stability” looked in an arranged marriage. Perhaps this could be one of the reason why India has such a low divorce rate.
While there is not enough importance given to the couples how they feel about each other. Emotional and physical compatibility is overlooked in favour of practical consideration. Family members will compensate you saying “Love will grow in time”. Another drawback is that the couple have not enough time to get to know each other, understand each other’s feeling, about different issues. There is much need of adjustment, responsibility, duty than love, understanding, compatibility. They feel that they HAVE to accept their parents choice of a life partner for them. Sometimes they enter in a marriage knowing that they will be unhappy just so that their parents are happy. Being funny, I could say an arranged marriage couples spend half of their life understanding each other and till they realize they are not compatible with each other, half of their lives passed and they have gone much ahead having kids and burdens.
On the surface love marriage seems perfect, we find our soulmates, get married and live happily ever after. What can possible go wrong? Many things, actually “love is not effortless, but it is effortful. A love marriage needs as much work as an arranged marriage. It has it’s own share of strains which sometimes increased because we have to take full responsibility for our choice of a partner. We do not have any other person to blame if it doesn’t work. We know our partners well before marriage, but living togather is a whole new experience, which have it’s own ups and downs. On the other hand the love marriage has it’s own freedom to freely choose our mates, to find someone, we are intellectually, emotionally and physically attracted to. We can build a life with them on our own terms and make our own happiness.
“Love” in an arranged marriage apparently reaches it’s peck when they live 5 years togather. In contrast, the peck of a love marriage would already have been reached and started wanning, because people enter love marriage with a bunch of expectations. Sometimes those passionate, romantic feeling you are feeling now, may stay the same for the rest of lives. Sometimes, after honeymoon stage is over, people begin to feel dissatisfied, wondering if their partner still love them. In contrast, one might enter an arranged marriage with much lower expectations and not expect anything to work out immediately.
So the sum of this article is that, there is no perfect formula to make a marriage work. Both love and arranged marriage have their own strength and faults. If you are facing issue like “how to choose spouse”, please consult with any family counsellor.