“Be a man”, how often we hear that sentence? Pretty much every time, when they’re upset or sad or worked up about some issue. So what does it mean then? To be a man about these things?
It means that you are supposed to work on logic and practical thought. It means you see a problem and move to the solution or goal rather than waste time moaning about your ‘feelings’. It means you don’t have and shouldn’t have feeling for being ‘soft’, because that just not what men do.
As early as at three years of age, a boy who has lost his toy is told to “stop crying like a girl”. He is pushed to DO something:- look for it, go find another toy, rather than sit there and make his feelings heard. “Women cry, men act” all life long this lession is repeated, the good boy fallows this rule, thinking “there’s nothing to talk about in that,” whether that is a lost job or a failed relationship or the loss of a loved one. He ignores or avoid the issue in many possible ways– by assuming it as a minor, getting angry whenever the issue is brought, getting drunk, or by withdrawing into a hard silence.
Just as transition from a girl to women is tough, so as the change from a boy to a men is difficult, the only difference is that men don’t talk about it. Only mamma’s boy talk about how tough things are/have been/ will be. There is no rites of passage for a male member of today’s Indian society, and no celebration that passes down from one generation to the next. We teach them to neglect their emotions, is it any wonder then that these boys have nothing to say and no one to say it to?
Men are just not given time or emotional space in their lives and that puts them at the greater risk for depression, suicide, hypertension, heart disease and strokes.
Most women (or girls) have atleast one stress -buster, they share stress with one other female, this makes the battle half done against stress and worry, we call it girl talk.
On the other hand male bonding consists of shared activities:- getting drunk togather, going on an adventure trip, playing a game. With men, the emphasis is on the activity rather than company.
Just like women are women’s worst critics, it is also fallows to mens through – shaming mocking, teasing, scolding, snide remarks.
Bottom line being, real men don’t share feelings with anyone.
For men happiness is something to be quietly content about sadness is hidden under anger or a cloud of alcohol or both, this song soys it all:-